BOOM!

I feel like I've been hit by a bus.
OVERWHEALMED barely describes how I feel today.
Yesterday's news blew all plans for the future out of the water.
Trying to stay positive about things, but when given the news that you are looking at 2-5 yrs WITH treatments... An aggressive grade 3 anaplastic astrocytoma is what the pathology determined was removed. The surgeon got the 'body' of the bug out, but the 'legs' run too close to major portions of of primary brain functioning areas to try to get them out with anything other than radiation and chemo.
I don't know how to feel today. I know that the statistics are skewed. Based on people aged 18-80 and in all states of health when they begin treatment. I do have that on my side - relatively young (35 yrs) and healthy... Resilient and as I keep saying, I am a survivor! Being positive is getting REALLY hard though :-(
Rori will not be coming home at winter break after all. Instead, I will be heading out to Hamilton after first round of radiation to stay with my sister who is a registered nurse and lives close to the Hamilton Cancer Center. So much for staying here and bringing my baby home!
I feel guilty that I sent her off so quickly, no chance to say good-bye to her friends and people here, visit her favourite places one last time, etc...  But she has settled in in her new school so well and is such a smart and happy girl that I know this is for the best.
I appreciate all of the support and love coming from everyone both here in Calgary and across Ontario.
I have A LOT to deal with right now, trying to keep my shit together while all I can think is FUCK!!!! Apologies that I am not exactly responding to anyone - I will see if I am up for it this afternoon!
Hugs and Love to everyone