...My life was changed forever. The day before had been my last at work out in Morley as I had an MRI apt early in the morning (Aug 27) and needed the long weekend to prepare both Rori and myself to begin school Sept 1st. Amazing how quickly plans change!
Three months feels like a LONG time when you are away from your child, my heart, but I am so grateful that my family (especially J!) have been so supportive and accommodating through this process. Things are working out amazingly well - I leave Calgary in 2.5 weeks, after final radiation treatment on Dec 11th, and my baby brother is coming out to haul a trailer (plus me!) back to Hamilton. My referral for follow ups in Hamilton are in process, I have spoken with their Juravinski Cancer Center to confirm move dates and they will schedule ASAP around the holidays. Things are looking positive!
If anyone needs random kitchen/cleaning items let me know ;) Trying to give away most of my things as they will not be needed, or have been given to me, etc. Luckily there are some families in my building who are collecting furniture as I empty shelves etc, but no one seems interested in more dishes or plastic storage containers (which apparently I have WAY too many of! LOL). Hoarding and over-buying are NOT conducive to easy moves!
Anyway, it has only been three months but it feels like a lifetime. And my roller-coaster is really just beginning! Almost time to go start a new life in a strange place...
Friday, 27 November 2015
Thursday, 19 November 2015
Sad tummy day :(
Mostly just posting this for my own tracking... I really haven't had any issues with my stomach (other than no desire for food the few hours after radiation) since I came home from the second surgery. Today I woke up, started my coffee, made my smoothie, took a sip, and was DONE. Not exactly nausea, no vomiting, but more like it was sitting in my throat and refused to go down. Oh well. As I joked with the radiation tech & nurse - I could def stand to lose 20-30lbs so am not that concerned about not having any appetite for a day! They agreed, but put notes in to follow up with Dr at next weekly apt (Tues) and recommended that I take more anti-nauseants over the weekend and try to eat something even when I really don't feel like it. Soups are coming out of the freezer!
Thanks again to all the cooks for knowing ahead of time what would be eventually needed :-)
Thanks again to all the cooks for knowing ahead of time what would be eventually needed :-)
Tuesday, 17 November 2015
Tired but making progress!
Everything seems to pile up at times. I am tired all the time (haven't slept at all since a 2 hr nap last Saturday - even with sleeping pills)... but I feel bad complaining about little things like that when so many other things are working out much more easily than I had expected.
The chemo pills are not making me feel ill (yet - have been told it takes about 2 weeks to feel the full effects) even though my hair is falling out A LOT more now that I am on those as well as the radiation. I also ran into the lovely ladies who had offered to take me out to support groups during treatment while at the TBCC yesterday. We had a little chat about treatments, side-effects, and lack of energy to do anything! They are so sweet, and so understanding about why I am not into joining groups here - Hamilton has the same types of programs through their cancer centre and I think that those will be a good way for me to meet people once there.
My furniture is slowly but steadily trickling out the door, giving me space to pack and clean around what is left. Some of my neighbours are also in no rush for things like my desk & dresser, so I appreciate that they are near to come and take those last minute rather than try to get it all out for donation a few days before I move (a matching bedroom suit was donated to my sister in Ont for me, what comes around goes around!). The silly things that make life easier!
Now, I just need to take advantage of this last warm day before winter hits to clean up my car more (shop didn't do a great job... can't blame them - kid cars suck!) and take some pics so I can try to sell this thing ASAP! Notice for my apartment has been given, slowly checking things off my to-do list...
I feel guilty focusing on myself so much. Especially with all the hate and terror going on in the world. It makes my heart hurt to see people responding so strongly to the Paris attacks when similar numbers of innocents are killed daily throughout the Middle East and Africa. Not having cable seems to restrict my information, though I am not sure if mainstream news ever paid attention or mentioned the attacks that happened in the days before Paris. From my perspective, it seems to be that people respond much faster and more wholeheartedly to the familiar - attacks on Western society appear to hit much closer to home than the daily suffering of would-be immigrants & refugees. I hope that Trudeau and others do not stop their plans to help those in most need.
The chemo pills are not making me feel ill (yet - have been told it takes about 2 weeks to feel the full effects) even though my hair is falling out A LOT more now that I am on those as well as the radiation. I also ran into the lovely ladies who had offered to take me out to support groups during treatment while at the TBCC yesterday. We had a little chat about treatments, side-effects, and lack of energy to do anything! They are so sweet, and so understanding about why I am not into joining groups here - Hamilton has the same types of programs through their cancer centre and I think that those will be a good way for me to meet people once there.
My furniture is slowly but steadily trickling out the door, giving me space to pack and clean around what is left. Some of my neighbours are also in no rush for things like my desk & dresser, so I appreciate that they are near to come and take those last minute rather than try to get it all out for donation a few days before I move (a matching bedroom suit was donated to my sister in Ont for me, what comes around goes around!). The silly things that make life easier!
Now, I just need to take advantage of this last warm day before winter hits to clean up my car more (shop didn't do a great job... can't blame them - kid cars suck!) and take some pics so I can try to sell this thing ASAP! Notice for my apartment has been given, slowly checking things off my to-do list...
I feel guilty focusing on myself so much. Especially with all the hate and terror going on in the world. It makes my heart hurt to see people responding so strongly to the Paris attacks when similar numbers of innocents are killed daily throughout the Middle East and Africa. Not having cable seems to restrict my information, though I am not sure if mainstream news ever paid attention or mentioned the attacks that happened in the days before Paris. From my perspective, it seems to be that people respond much faster and more wholeheartedly to the familiar - attacks on Western society appear to hit much closer to home than the daily suffering of would-be immigrants & refugees. I hope that Trudeau and others do not stop their plans to help those in most need.
Sunday, 15 November 2015
Random compliments :)
I got up this morning (after having not slept at all again last night) and decided that I had to make the best of my no-energy, no-sleep day. Within a couple of hours the steroids had kicked in and I was bouncing again :)
Day 3 of my pill-form chemo and other than a lot more hair falling out I am still feeling fairly well (no radiation on weekends helps!). I decided that I had the energy to head over to Shoppers for a couple of the supplements that I know would run out this week. At Shoppers, a lovely lady waiting at the pharmacy called out to me. She apologized for 'being rude', then complimented me on my confidence in going out with my scar and lack of hair showing so obviously. My response was 'thanks, it's only hair after all!'. She then told me a story about how one of her friends had been so vain and attached to her hair that she refused to let the dr's operate if her hair would be ruined, and ended up dying from lack of treatment.
Thanks to everyone who has complimented my short hair-style. I have never been particularly attached to my hair, but the support and compliments (even from strangers!) has certainly given me the confidence to be out in public without needing to hide or cover my head!
Day 3 of my pill-form chemo and other than a lot more hair falling out I am still feeling fairly well (no radiation on weekends helps!). I decided that I had the energy to head over to Shoppers for a couple of the supplements that I know would run out this week. At Shoppers, a lovely lady waiting at the pharmacy called out to me. She apologized for 'being rude', then complimented me on my confidence in going out with my scar and lack of hair showing so obviously. My response was 'thanks, it's only hair after all!'. She then told me a story about how one of her friends had been so vain and attached to her hair that she refused to let the dr's operate if her hair would be ruined, and ended up dying from lack of treatment.
Thanks to everyone who has complimented my short hair-style. I have never been particularly attached to my hair, but the support and compliments (even from strangers!) has certainly given me the confidence to be out in public without needing to hide or cover my head!
Thursday, 12 November 2015
Two steps backwards - one leap forward!
Two days ago everything was going well. The Oncology Doctors all agreed that things are going reasonably well, I was issued the prescriptions to start chemo today as we were expecting the picc line antibiotics to be done tomorrow and my weekly blood work has been coming through clear of infection. Good news, right?!?
This morning I got a phone call from the HPTP clinic (home therapy clinic for the picc line) telling me that they are extending my antibiotics for 2 weeks because I haven't had an MRI confirming that I am infection-free. The notes to request one were on my file two weeks ago - the RN who gave me cathflow (to clear a plugged line) even asked me about it then. No one followed up until today. The picc line has been a huge pain in my arm/chest for over a month now. I felt it every time a dose started and for the entire hour it ran for (every 4 hrs!). I haven't been sleeping because it is so uncomfortable & limiting. I was incredibly frustrated with the nurse who called and told me it had to stay longer - not only would that mean a delay in the chemo part of treatment, but also a delay in returning to a semblance of 'normal' life.
Then, while waiting to go in for my radiation apt this afternoon, the machine started beeping at me (for the 3rd time this week...) that the line was blocked, again. After the radiation I went straight over to the HPTP clinic. They tried to flush the lines and couldn't get either line to flow well enough to hook back up to the pump. The nurses started discussing putting in an IV (which collapse within hours) so they could cathflow me again (would have been 3rd time) when I told them that I'm DONE. I have dealt with one of the nurses present many times over the past month and she understood. She explained the potential consequences, but after discussing my options with all three RN's who were there this afternoon - I am DONE!!!! Picc line is removed and I don't even have to go back in and argue with anyone tomorrow!!!! I had to sign a form stating that I understand the possible consequences (AMA forms), but at this point I don't even care anymore. I will follow up with the Oncology pharmacist to see whether or not I should fill the oral prescription I was given, but that can wait until morning. I am just SO relieved to have that picc line gone - no lifting for 24 hrs, but it's done and I don't even have to wear my awesome fanny pack anymore :-)
I feel like I won a huge battle and MAY even get more than 3 hours sleep tonight!!! (fingers crossed anyway!)
This morning I got a phone call from the HPTP clinic (home therapy clinic for the picc line) telling me that they are extending my antibiotics for 2 weeks because I haven't had an MRI confirming that I am infection-free. The notes to request one were on my file two weeks ago - the RN who gave me cathflow (to clear a plugged line) even asked me about it then. No one followed up until today. The picc line has been a huge pain in my arm/chest for over a month now. I felt it every time a dose started and for the entire hour it ran for (every 4 hrs!). I haven't been sleeping because it is so uncomfortable & limiting. I was incredibly frustrated with the nurse who called and told me it had to stay longer - not only would that mean a delay in the chemo part of treatment, but also a delay in returning to a semblance of 'normal' life.
Then, while waiting to go in for my radiation apt this afternoon, the machine started beeping at me (for the 3rd time this week...) that the line was blocked, again. After the radiation I went straight over to the HPTP clinic. They tried to flush the lines and couldn't get either line to flow well enough to hook back up to the pump. The nurses started discussing putting in an IV (which collapse within hours) so they could cathflow me again (would have been 3rd time) when I told them that I'm DONE. I have dealt with one of the nurses present many times over the past month and she understood. She explained the potential consequences, but after discussing my options with all three RN's who were there this afternoon - I am DONE!!!! Picc line is removed and I don't even have to go back in and argue with anyone tomorrow!!!! I had to sign a form stating that I understand the possible consequences (AMA forms), but at this point I don't even care anymore. I will follow up with the Oncology pharmacist to see whether or not I should fill the oral prescription I was given, but that can wait until morning. I am just SO relieved to have that picc line gone - no lifting for 24 hrs, but it's done and I don't even have to wear my awesome fanny pack anymore :-)
I feel like I won a huge battle and MAY even get more than 3 hours sleep tonight!!! (fingers crossed anyway!)
Monday, 9 November 2015
Time to enjoy life as an ADULT!
The past couple of weeks have been stressful, uncomfortable, and generally frustrating. Trying to juggle treatments & appointments around ever changing schedules when the first line of treatment doesn't do what it should, while also not sleeping and being exhausted from the daily radiation treatments had me feeling very low. I was NOT feeling up to the going away party my fabulous friends organized for last Friday. But I also knew that so many had put in a lot to organize it and I didn't want to disappoint anyone by cancelling last minute. I am SO glad that I went!!
Being picked up by a Limo (surprise!) and having a bottle of wine (I'm allowed to have "a drink or two, but not a bottle") was only the beginning of a fabulous night. The glass of wine and young energy (3 kids 17-20 joined me for the ride) woke me up and helped to change my tired, stressed out mindset into one ready to be social and enjoy the company of the evening.
Many more surprises were in store at the beautifully set up event - special thanks to everyone who came out and to those who put so much effort into making the night memorable! From the radio station gifts & scrapbooks a lot of prep-work and time was obviously used by people who mean the world to us - THANK YOU!!!
The love & kindness & general silliness of the evening reminded me (again!) that life is too short to be stressed out about the small things. What I keep for the move vs what I get rid of really makes no difference (and the scrapbooks will make getting rid of many things easier!) and I should stop stressing about when things happen - it will all work out in the end :)
Friday evening returned me to the world of the living, and a great friend took me out for an afternoon of randomness on Saturday which is also greatly appreciated. I really needed these reminders to live life and have fun (especially right now while my daughter not here and I have the opportunity to be a grown-up!!!)
Thanks again to everyone near & far who have been so supportive!
Being picked up by a Limo (surprise!) and having a bottle of wine (I'm allowed to have "a drink or two, but not a bottle") was only the beginning of a fabulous night. The glass of wine and young energy (3 kids 17-20 joined me for the ride) woke me up and helped to change my tired, stressed out mindset into one ready to be social and enjoy the company of the evening.
Many more surprises were in store at the beautifully set up event - special thanks to everyone who came out and to those who put so much effort into making the night memorable! From the radio station gifts & scrapbooks a lot of prep-work and time was obviously used by people who mean the world to us - THANK YOU!!!
The love & kindness & general silliness of the evening reminded me (again!) that life is too short to be stressed out about the small things. What I keep for the move vs what I get rid of really makes no difference (and the scrapbooks will make getting rid of many things easier!) and I should stop stressing about when things happen - it will all work out in the end :)
Friday evening returned me to the world of the living, and a great friend took me out for an afternoon of randomness on Saturday which is also greatly appreciated. I really needed these reminders to live life and have fun (especially right now while my daughter not here and I have the opportunity to be a grown-up!!!)
Thanks again to everyone near & far who have been so supportive!
Sunday, 1 November 2015
Bumpy Ride
As always, I appreciate all of the offers of help from friends & family. Just knowing that there are so many I could call on makes things less overwhelming. Even when I end up spending an extra 2-3 hrs at the hospital (plugged picc lines) and have more last minute apts than expected for silly things like letting the cathflow (picc line cleaning drug) work it's magic for 24 hrs rather than 2... Or just finding the paperwork from my original surgeon with an early morning follow up apt for Monday... Wonder if that was cancelled due to second surgery and all of the other things that have been going on? Oh well... will find out tomorrow if they call wondering where I am!
Still need to work on sleeping. The radiation treatments have me feeling very tired, the steroids I had to start again (was weaned off during 3rd stay in hospital a couple weeks ago...) have me bouncing and unable to sleep... Can't find a balance it seems :(
But, even with all the icky-grossness I'm feeling these days, weekly blood work, and daily apts, I am really excited for the pot-luck being organized for next Friday, for being able to talk to my babe every couple days, and for finally starting to make a dent in the stuff we have pilled up in here! Just need to get the energy to take a few (dozen) more pics for a few more kijiji ads - see if I can sell a few things before donating the rest!
Vent session over - Hugs & Love to all :)
Still need to work on sleeping. The radiation treatments have me feeling very tired, the steroids I had to start again (was weaned off during 3rd stay in hospital a couple weeks ago...) have me bouncing and unable to sleep... Can't find a balance it seems :(
But, even with all the icky-grossness I'm feeling these days, weekly blood work, and daily apts, I am really excited for the pot-luck being organized for next Friday, for being able to talk to my babe every couple days, and for finally starting to make a dent in the stuff we have pilled up in here! Just need to get the energy to take a few (dozen) more pics for a few more kijiji ads - see if I can sell a few things before donating the rest!
Vent session over - Hugs & Love to all :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)