So...Here I am in a strange city trying to figure out life. Only I feel guilty because my sister insists on driving us to all of our appointments and activities (appreciated, but in reality I do need to figure out how to get places on my own!), and she has more than enough stress with trying to find a new tenant for her soon to be vacant basement suite plus many other life-stresses that I feel Rori and I are compounding.
Then there is Rori. She knows I have cancer, but not the prognosis. In the week after explaining my diagnosis there have been at least three cancer related deaths of famous people plastered all over the news. This is not helping her cope as now I am hearing nightly (at bedtime and around 3am when she typically comes crawling in with me) that she doesn't just "love me" but that she "needs me", and she keeps talking about moving back to Calgary even though I have explained many times that there is a good chance I will never be able to drive again and that if she chooses to move back once she is grown up, she certainly can. The referrals for family counselling are in the works, but like the sleep therapist, they are booking well into February. Yeah.
I'm not sure if it's the total lack of sleep, lack of energy, or lack of routine, but I feel more crappy now than I have since getting my picc-line out last November. Nausea, headaches, and exhaustion are unrelenting except that the steroids also have me wanting to eat constantly. Not a pleasant combination. At this point more meds seem ridiculous and don't really seem to help much. My MRI follow up was postponed until this upcoming week (instead of last Thurs), and there may be questions about the chemo continuing (according to the nurse who called to change the appt) which has me fairly concerned too - did she misread the charts or are things really looking that badly? I guess I will just have to wait and see...
I am at least still trying to hold onto the positives - Rori has many friends in the neighbourhood (one kind parent has picked her up today and taken both her daughter and Rori to another friends' birthday party), and she has been playing with another girl who lives across the street. Knowing she is at least having fun and still doing well in school almost makes up for the lost listening skills and the sassy attitude she has developed since our reunion. Slowly getting back to routine and relearning listening skills, but it will take time. I'm also slowly getting back into activities even though I haven't really gotten Dr's okay - I had been told to keep exercise to mild-moderate for around 30 min/day while in treatment and to try not to get to the point of working up a sweat, but with all the weight I've regained this past year it really does feel good to go to zumba or swimming or skating, especially when the last two are also good bonding times with my not-so-baby.
Sorry for the ramble/rant - but I do feel better now that I have a few things off my chest! Hopefully this week will be smoother and I will be able to sort a few more things out - paperwork and applications are not as straight forward as they need to be - more stress ;)
Missing all of my Calgary friends - new number is 289-527-6643, text anytime (I will try to move contacts over, but is a SLOW process with silly new phone!) Take care all <3
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